Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize