We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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