Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
