Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
