What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
