He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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