The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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