Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
