drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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