I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
