Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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