I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
