Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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