Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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