Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
