I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
