This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
