So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
