Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
