Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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