you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
