the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
