I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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