I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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