You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
