Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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