Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
