1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
