Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
