i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
