the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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