I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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