Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
