the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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