god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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