Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
