I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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