look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
