She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
