I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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