Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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