remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize