At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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