youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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