I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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