there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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