guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
