I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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