i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
