some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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