Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
