When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
