I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
